Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
