i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
