That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Randomize
