Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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