Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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