Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
