i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
