She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
