it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
