I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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