wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i will never coherently bang her
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
