Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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