A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
