So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
