tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
