I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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