he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You took a bar mat shot.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
