shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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