Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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