Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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