you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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