My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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