He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
