My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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