true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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