I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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