now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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