Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
