So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i think my tv is drunk
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
