the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
