Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
