there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
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