apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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