Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
