Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
