i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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