I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So. Much. Porn.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
