I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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