my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
