thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
