these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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