how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
