i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
