All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
