you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
