Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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