You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
