I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
