I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
