your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
