Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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